Two Gun Pete – a.k.a. The Lone Ranger

Last night the temperature dropped to minus 25 Celsius – cold by any measurement!  But today it is mostly clear with beautiful blue skies reminiscent of prairie skies, but not the same kind of blue.  I have never seen, in my travels, skies, especially sunrises and sunsets, like those on the prairie – perhaps because the air is pure and the sky is so huge!  After all Alberta is called “big sky country.”

It was about this time of the year back in 1947 that I came to a sad realization.  That is, the anti-aircraft pop gun that was received for Christmas would never suffice in fighting renegades or outlaws alongside Roy Rogers, Gene Autry, Hopalong Cassidy, Red Ryder, or even the Cisco Kid, unless they were flying airplanes – which they were not.  And I had been deprived of a Red Ryder BB gun and even a measly pop gun rifle.  Therefore I decided that I required more appropriate fire arms to protect our humble homestead and occupants from any roustabouts that might appear.

I perused the Simpsons Sears and Eaton’s catalogues very diligently searching for appropriate side arms being that I could not score a rifle.  Finally, I settled on a two gun holster set that included two silver, faux pearl handled six shooters that would allow one to frighten away any intruders by firing off paper caps – in retrospect a most annoying sound.  I pestered my mom and dad for the set and was told that it could be ordered later on (I guess that money was tight).  I kept the catalogues, or at least the appropriate pages from the catalogues, as the rest of the publications were assigned to other less noble, albeit essential, duties in the out-house.  These pages I stashed near to my bed (actually a fold down couch) so I could study them every night before the lamp was blown out, allowing me to drift off to sleep where I met and teamed up with my cowboy heroes.

Finally the big day arrived when my mom said that she would order the gun set so I accompanied her to the “post office” which was in one of the private houses in Bindloss.  Now, in the 21st century, we complain about the slowness of surface mail, in fact calling it “snail mail.” Remember that back then,  there was no such thing as on-line shopping, the closest thing to a computer being Woo Sam’s abacus, so one had to be prepared to endure a long wait.  I mean a llloooonnnnggg wait!!  For a little boy it seemed like a lifetime, or even several lifetimes, and once more I haunted the post office nearly every day waiting for my order to arrive.  At home, I would practice quick drawing with imaginary pistols until I figured that I could outdraw any desperado who dared to confront me in the streets of Laredo or Tombstone or even Bindloss, for that matter.

Finally, the parcel arrived and I ran home with my prize.  When I tore the package open, I was treated to a brightly colored box with a picture of a cowboy armed with two pistols on the cover - the most wonderful thing I had ever seen.  And there in the box was a fake leather holster, that was probably manufactured from some sort of cardboard, and two silver pistols with white plastic handles.  The guns were embossed with wild west themes and I would surely become the envy of all of my cowboy friends.  Running back to town, I was able to purchase a roll of caps that fit into an automatic feeder that was visible upon opening the side of the ammo cylinder.   Now I was a real cowboy and anyone or anything that stood in my way should take cover – which the two cats and dog did when I fired the first noisy shot, the dog leaving an elongated puddle on the floor which left unmistakeable clues as to the whereabouts of his safe hide-out under the bed!

One of the problems I encountered as a gunslinger was confusion of identity – was I Roy or Gene or Hoppy or even Cisco?  Maybe I was Cisco’s faithful sidekick, Pancho – no that wouldn’t do, I needed to be in charge of the team.  I experimented with different characters in my imagination and settled on Roy whom I knew to be a most honourable and courageous gentleman.  Roy, being a singing cowboy, could sing alone or serenade with the Sons of the Pioneers. Besides, I liked Dale, Trigger and Bullet, Roy’s loyal German Shepherd dog and Roy held the title of “King of the Cowboys.”  Now I wouldn’t have to suffer the embarrassment of toting an anti-aircraft gun to venues such the OK Corral or Abilene.  Now I could ride my swift and loyal palomino through the prairie and fend off any outlaw who dared trespass. By the way, my palomino bore a striking resemblance to a broom and could be employed as such, making it more versatile than a real palomino!

Since I was to become a real cowboy gunslinger, I required appropriate apparel.  I managed to cajole my mother into making a Roy Rogers style cowboy shirt for me.  She gave me the difficult choice of having the shirt adorned with fringes or pockets.  I chose pockets, but really was hoping for both.  She embroidered the white with red trim shirt with colorful flowers over the breast – it was absolutely splendid!  However, I don’t think that I would walk into a biker bar wearing the same design today.  I also had a cowboy hat of sorts, but had to settle for running shoes on my feet.  I perhaps did not look altogether like a prototypical cowpoke, but could outrun pretty well all of the others who were encumbered with high heels.  Have you ever tried to run wearing cowboy boots?

I practiced my quick-draw techniques religiously until – horrors - one day one of the pistols slipped from my left hand, striking the floor and resulting in the hammer breaking off.  Certain that my father could fix just about anything, I took the gun to him.  He told me that the weapon was made out of a cheap metal which he explained to me was called zinc and could not be mended.  Because cowboys don’t cry, I had to hold back my tears until safely in the privacy of the out-house as I didn’t have a private boudoir in which my considerable anguish could be vented.

Soon the other six shooter met the same fate and they both crumbled gradually until the parts wouldn’t hold together and I was left with empty holsters that also deteriorated all too rapidly.  I still sported the holsters for awhile and, when asked about the whereabouts of my guns, I would explain that they were stolen by bandits during a hold-up.  So now, I was left with the anti-aircraft gun, hardly cowboy equipment.

Many years later, I had my own sons, Olaf Jr. and Graham.  I was determined to not let them suffer the same ignominy as me, so sought out appropriate guns for them.  Some parents would criticize me for giving them cowboy pistols, but little boys would always find something to use as guns.  Besides that, at some point in their lives they would have a real gun in their hands, perhaps belonging to one of their friend’s fathers, and I felt that it was good to learn how to safely handle a weapon, for example checking that it was not loaded and learning to never point it at anyone.

I had to make a business trip to Texas and so I picked up two sets of cowboy pistols and holsters for them at Toys R Us in Houston.  I told them that the Lone Ranger and Tonto had sent them.  They were both impressed with this revelation and very excited about the sets and immediately morphed into real wild west cowpokes.  I even made wooden rocking horses for them which did not resemble a broom even though their tails were made from mops.  Olaf Jr., who was about four at the time, dressed like the Lone Ranger night and day for about a year - even sleeping with his guns stowed beside his pillow!  I informed both of them that the Lone Ranger was a decent, honest man who believed in doing good things, never evil.  I hope that he had a positive influence on the boys like Roy Rogers had on me.  I think that he did.

Roy always claimed that he was just an ordinary guy who got lucky and was in the right place at the right time.  He never forgot his simple beginnings and the hard work required to become successful.  His legacy will live on through my generation with the music and happiness he gave us.  He was an honourable family man and practiced Christian principles.  Roy and Dale adopted many children and gave them all better lives.

Happy trails, Dale and Roy!!